There is weird and then there is Florida weird. We embrace our weirdness. Key West is the place weirdos go to get paid for being weird. We left chads hanging all over the place and ruined a national election. Do you really believe we did not do that on purpose? Well, we didn’t, but that’s neither here nor there. This is Floriduh, the state that is shaped like a certain part of anatomy that should not be on display. As if it’s our fault that the state is shaped like that.
Florida possesses a certain kind of weird that cannot be found anyplace else and we are proud of it. Oh, you have some guy that danced nude in front of the high school glee club? Yawn. ‘Round here we call that Tuesday. We got a guy proposing to his girlfriend with a ring tied to an alligator. Oh, don’t get all excited. It was just a baby alligator and the girlfriend was actually more interested in holding the gator than wearing the ring (she did say yes, though).
We put our weirdness on display for all to see.
Here’s the thing. Being weird does not mean we’re stupid. We’re not. Otherwise we would not know when weird things happen. And nothing can stop the weirdness, not even death.
One of our greatest moments was the death of the first white man in North America. That happened near what is now the city of Punta Gorda back in 1513. Did it really happen there? Can it be verified? Who cares? We put up a marker to commemorate it. We are proud of that weird moment in our past.
Punta Gorda didn’t end it there, either. In order to make sure the cemeteries stay full they have a “fountain of youth” that dispenses radioactive water. The city has tried to remove the “fountain” (it’s really just a spigot on a street downtown) a couple times but was thwarted by locals who demanded the “fountain” stay.
Beyond that we go out of our way to honor our dead. We build graves that look like boats. We put airplanes on graves. We have a gravestone that says “I told you I was sick”. That’s weird. Florida weird.
